and if I told you I loved you, could that be enough?

If this is what they call dying, I don't care much for living.
There's a silhouette in the sky made up of grey clouds and a black sky spotted with white stars.
An old habit of mine is staring beyond something into nothing. So here I am, soaked with rain water, smeared with makeup, marked up with grass and dirt, lying in a dismantled football field, staring up into the sky, behind the clouds, beyond the stars, searching for where the darkness ends.
Where does it end? Is there an end?
The sky is only beginning where my vision ends. A northern downpour falls heavily. Thunder pounds on my ears. The flashes of lightning force my eyes close.
Sinking in wet grass, I claw my way up. I am cross-legged at the center mark of a football field. The broken lights shine flickered on me. From some of these broken lights, wires hang, creating sparks.
Spark my heart and hope to die.
I collapse onto my back, my mouth open wide, filling with water.
I am drained, I am full, I am drowning. With every few seconds, I gulp down the water that has overflown my mouth.
Above me, the moon is hanging on puppet strings.
Fall, damn it, fall.
I zone in, I zone out, I am choking on the water filling to the back of my mouth, down my throat, engulfing my lungs. In a moment I am thrown forward. Water spills from the sides of my mouth onto my already soaked clothing. I'm coughing, hacking, spitting up water and oxygen. I turn, my hair whipping him in the face.
Above me the moon is dangling on a string.
This is the end of the world as we know it.
A smile slides across his face. Normally, I could melt, blending in with the water being tossed about this field. My forehead wrinkles, my breathing grows heavy. The muscles in my body grow tense, contracting me forward. My jaw quivers. I reach my dirt matted hand up and force it towards his face. He catches it before it smacks straight across his cheekbone. My breathing skips and like rain, tears are pouring down my face, streaking more and more makeup. With his other hand he reaches up toward my face, I turn away. My top teeth rolling over my bottom lip. I pull my arm, attempting to lose his grip. It backfires and I am pulled into him.
This is the end of the world as we know it.
Above me the string is lengthening, thinning out, bringing the moon closer and closer towards the surface.
I pound on his back, on his chest. I try to push myself away. I am beating on his chest, as his arms crawl to my big, holding me close, crushing my body against his.
In angst, I give up, collapsing into his arms. Together we fall back onto the soft, wet earth. Fifty yards of this turf in both direction is staring at us in our misery, our happiness.
Some find the happiness in misery.
I'm burning, I'm burning. The rain crashing down on my chest isn't enough to put out the fire in my heart. And for the first time, I don't think I want it to.
The moon crashes down into the earth.
A whirlwind flies over us, the rain turns to hail, pounding harder, crashing faster. An echo of disaster and destruction in the form of thunder travels faster than the sound wave. I can only hear a heartbeat. Broken tree branches are thrown around in the wind, puddles of water turn to lakes of mud and rain and spread, as quickly as the fire in my heart engulfs my entire body. The tightness of my body releases.
The sky breaks away from my silhouette as stars fall towards the earth, crashing down with the moon.
This is the end of the world as we know it.
And through all this, my eyes have never left his. The sparking, swinging, wires of these broken lights are shining on us, together, lying in the middle of a dismantled football field, as the world crashes apart around us.
And as long as I'm in your arms, nothing matters, nothing hurts, there is nothing to feel, nothing to feel but you, you and this fire engulfing my heart, my body. And for this moment, I would hate for this downpour to extinguish the fire you've set on my heart.
If this is what they call dying, don't bother me with living.